Trigger warning: This webpage and its contents contain descriptions of violence which you may find disturbing and/or upsetting.

This project was made possible by the Graduate Hotels’ Sweet Dreams Society Artist Residency and was on view at Graduate Ann Arbor and Graduate Roosevelt Island in 2022.

Altar|Alter is an installation and performance, an impassioned homage to the victims and families of anti-Asian hate crimes since the beginning of the Covid pandemic. Even as infection levels wax and wane, the pandemic Asian-Americans have been left with is a heightened and indescribable fear for bodily, mental, and social safety online and on the streets. 

My parents were practicing Buddhists when I was growing up. We had an altar in our home with the image of Buddha and a statue of Guan Yin. There was a daily ritual of lighting incense, holding one between my palms and bowing to the altar. I remember I was to put the incense as it burned into the bowl of rice with my left hand. There was a small wooden sculpture that sat on a tufted pillow my mother would strike with a small mallet. While this ritual felt unnatural to me at the time, it now brings comfort to think of my ancestors and living relatives that still practice. Now when I see an altar, I think of my grandparents.

I created Altar|Alter as a way to introduce a cultural and social experience that may lend discomfort of being watched, of taking part in a religious act that is not our own, and to pay tribute to the souls that are no longer with us because of heinous acts and those that are still among us, living with the trauma of acts taken against them because of racism and xenophobia.

We are also here to celebrate the lives of the victims which each object represents and hold them sacred in memory so they are not forgotten.

In many Asian cultures, including my ethnic Chinese identity, the color white signifies death and is worn at funerals. Altar, the left side is a tribute to those that have succumbed to horrible acts of violence. It is my aim to hold their spirits at the forefront of our minds so that we don’t let go of this pain as we take action.

Red is the color of good fortune, auspiciousness, hóngbāo, blood, passion, heart. Alter, the right side is a tribute to those that have survived atrocities inflicted upon them because of their racial and/or ethnic appearance. The objects in Altar|Alter are explained in an illustrated diagram below.

Diagram of the main objects in ALTAR|ALTER by Yen Azzaro

Altar [white|deceased]

  1. A knife represents the weapon that was used to stab Christina Yuna Lee. Rest in power, Christina.

  2. A bottle of massage oil represents the massage businesses where Delaina Ashley Yaun, Paul Andre Michels, Xiaojie Tan, Daoyou Feng, Hyn Jung Grant, Suncha Kim, Soon Chung Park, and Yong Ae Yue were killed. Rest in power, Delaina, Paul, Xiaojie, Daoyou, Hyn, Suncha, Soon, and Yong.

  3. A Metro card represents what Michelle Go swiped before she was pushed to her death on the subway tracks. Rest in power, Michelle.

  4. A fur-trimmed hat represents the one Loi Nguyen was photographed wearing in the news and likely wearing when he was shot. Rest in power, Loi.

  5. 500 pages of calendars represent the number of days since the passing of Vicha Ratanapakdee when his family started a rally on June 14, 2022, decrying when he was pushed to the ground, hitting his head on the pavement. Rest in power, Vicha.

Alter [red|living]

  1. A knife represents the weapon that cut 6 year old, R.C.’s face, from eye to back of skull. We will take action for you, R.C.

  2. A wood plank represents the weapon Xiao Zhen Xie used to strike back at her assailant after he punched her in the face. We will take action for you, Xiao.

  3. A chunk of concrete represents the weapon that was dropped on Anders Fung’s head as he was hiking with his family, herniating a disc in his neck and leaving a 2 inch gash in his head. We will take action for you, Anders.

  4. A can of pepper spray represents the weapon used against four Asian women in broad daylight on the street in Chelsea, Manhattan, NYC. We will take action for you, four women in Chelsea.

  5. A Target bag represents the bag Unidentified Vietnamese Woman was holding when she was brutally punched 125 times, kicked 7 times, and spat on. We will take action for you, Unidentified Vietnamese Woman.

American Dream

Click on images above to watch the spoken word performance.

“Thank you, Ann M Martin, for the sheen of Claudia’s jet black hair on that sunshine yellow cover,
it was Kristy’s Great Idea but half of her would be more than another whole of me
that I would ever see in Tecumseh.

Sure, I had Short Round and Data and Long Duk Dong,
but if Ferris ever pulled up in that red Spyder, it wouldn’t be for me,
not an Asian girl like me.

Not by the hair of my chinny-chin chin,
Not by the hair of my chinny-chin chin,
Not by the hair of my chinny-chin chin…he did say.

The blunt bangs remained and the round glasses slid further down, down my flat-bridged nose,
When I just wanted to push them up, up, out of the house and out of my mind
and out in the world that I thought I understood but just didn’t understand me.
I thought that, if I ruled the world…then all my years of struggling and striving and serving
and running and running to the dream my grandfathers left the mainland for so that
one day their granddaughters could find a person and place that would love ‘em, love ‘em baby—
would all be worth it.

But when you’re Asian in America they tell you to keep your head, get good grades,
bu yao dui lian, safety first, find a good job and it will all be alright.
But there was no safety in that for Christina who had good grades, found a good job, took that rideshare
home, unlocked her door…because her empty screams cried for no one as she laid in the tub.

And there was no safety for Daoyou and Xiaojie, Hyn Jung, Suncha, Soon Chung, and Yong Ae massaging a job that paid more in this country than it did in their homelands,
but he hyper-sexualized them for his pleasure and then he hyper-sexualized them for their deaths.
No one told them it costs more to live and then die in America.

When you’re Asian in America you can be spat on, sprayed on, stabbed in, stomped on,
lay the very foundation of tracks this country is built on but Michelle that R train is not coming for you
until it runs you over, tells you to go back to where you came from,
you can’t be here, get out.

When you’re Asian in America there is no history of Asians in America.
I didn’t know that Yuri cradled Malcolm X’s head in her arms as he laid on the ground.
I was only told that my Chenglish needed to sound like English and then I spoke it too well.
Your locker smells, it was pizza day so I threw my scallops and rice away,
your accent is all wrong, that odor is still so strong.

I was running away from my origin at the speed of thought,
Repelling where I was born, embracing where I didn’t belong,
All to be invisible in a place I wasn’t seen.

Here I am, in front of you today, 61 years excluded.
I am a proud not light-skinned east Asian. I am Taiwan-born, Malaysia root, zhong guo ren,
mama, nui uh, jie jie, ai yi, tai tai, ih sui jia
.
I’ve been told I’m my parents’ American Dream,
and I believe it.”

— Yen Azzaro

What is the Asian Diaspora?

The word diaspora is defined as “people settled far from their ancestral homelands.” It is those of us that are no longer in our “home” land or in the space where our ethnic rituals, cultures, foods, religions and/or social practices are the majority. There are 48 Asian countries, each with separate and distinct identities within those countries. While some of our cultural practices, foods, and beliefs may overlap, we each have profound and historically rich and vastly varying differences. 

In China alone, there are eight major Chinese dialects. They include Putonghua (Mandarin), Yue (Cantonese), Wu (Shanghainese), Minbei (Fuzhou), Minnan (Taiwanese), Xiang, Gan and Hakka and many sub-dialects (that number into the hundreds). Because I am ethnically Chinese but my mother is from Taiwan and my father from Malaysia, my identity has long been fraught with understanding which spaces I feel akin or (dis)agree because of my American status, with Chinese culture, much less Chinese policy. 

When I visit my mother’s family, they would not understand my father’s dialect Hakka and vice versa with my mother’s dialect of Taiwanese. As an English-speaking American, you are not expected to speak German when you step off the plane, and as such, Asian languages are so vastly different, they would not be expected to understand one another, even within a main language. 

Where Violence Has been Inflicted Upon Us

“From March 19, 2020 to December 31, 2021, a total of 10,905 hate incidents against Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) persons were reported to Stop AAPI Hate. Of the hate incidents reflected in this report, 4,632 occurred in 2020 (42.5%) and 6,273 occurred in 2021 (57.5%).”

Each time 45 uttered a racist or disparaging namesake about the “kung flu” or “Wuhan virus”, acts of violence spiked. He used the “China virus” slur on March 16th, the day of the massage business shootings in and around Atlanta while being interviewed on Fox News.


Burmese Family in Midland, Texas

On March 24, 2020, a perpetrator believing a Burmese family to be of Chinese-descent, took two knives while shopping from Sam’s Club. He punched a father with knife in hand and then slashed his 6 year old’s son, R.C.’s face, 2 mm from his right eye, through his ear to the back of his skull. The perpetrator also stabbed a Sam’s Club who tried to stop him from (he later admitted), killing R.C. while his 2 year old brother witnessed the violence. When the attempted murderer was apprehended he yelled “Get out of America.”

Vicha Ratanapakdee in San Francisco, CA

Thai-American, Vicha Ratanapakdee, 84, was walking the morning of January 28, 2021 in San Francisco when he was forcefully pushed to the ground, hitting his head on the pavement and succumbing to his injury shortly after in the hospital. On June 14th, 2022, his family and friends started a rally to mark the 500th day since his death, calling for justice and action on the days the hearings for his murderer take place.

The Murders of Delaina Ashley Yaun, Paul Andre Michels, Xiaojie Tan, Daoyou Feng, Hyn Jung Grant, Suncha Kim, Soon Chung Park, and Yong Ae Yue outside of Atlanta, GA

On March 16, 2021, a madman committed atrocities at three massage businesses, killing 8 people, 6 of them of Asian descent. Acts of violence against Asian-Americans spiked again after the reporting of this incident.

The first occurred at Young's Asian Massage, a massage parlor near Acworth at 3:38 pm ET and lasted for 1 hour and 12 minutes. The victim’s names were Delaina Ashley Yaun, 33; Paul Andre Michels, 54; Xiaojie Tan, 49; and Daoyou Feng, 44. At 5:47 pm ET, 30 miles away from the site of the first shooting, police responded to a robbery call at Gold Massage Spa and found the bodies of  Hyun Jung Grant, 51; Suncha Kim, 69; and Soon Chung Park, 74. Immediately following they received calls of a shooting across the street Aromatherapy Spa, where Yong Ae Yue, 63 was found dead.

According to a report from national Korean newspaper The Chosun Ilbo, a Gold Massage Spa employee who escaped from the store during the shooting stated that the shooter said, "I'm going to kill all Asians.”

Xiao Zhen Xie in San Francisco, CA

On March 17, 2021, Chinese-American Xiao Zhen Xie, 75,  was waiting to cross the street when her assaulter punched her in the face. She found a wooden plank and hit him squarely in the face with it. He was later taken away by stretcher and charged with Xiao and another elder’s hate act he had committed earlier in the day. On a viral video, Xia can be heard saying “This bum, he hit me!” With her mounting medical bills a GoFundMe page was started which is now nearing $1 million.

Michelle Go in New York City, NY

On January 15, 2022 at 9:40 am, 40 year old, Chinese-American Michelle Go was waiting for the New York City subway R train at Times Square/42nd Street when she was pushed from behind onto the tracks of the oncoming subway. Michelle worked for Deloitte in mergers and acquisitions and was a volunteer at the New York Junior League for over a decade.

Christina Yuna Lee in New York City, NY

Korean-American Christina Yuna Lee, 35, was followed into her apartment on February 13, 2022 after entering her building at around 4 a.m. and was stabbed more than 40 times. She was found dead in her bathtub by police at 4:30 a.m. after screams for help brought no one in the building to her defense. Christina was  a senior creative producer at the digital music platform Splice with an art history degree from Rutgers University.

Unidentified Vietnamese-American woman in Yonkers, NY

On March 11, 2022, a 67 year old Vietnamese-American woman was entering the vestibule of her Yonkers, NY apartment building when her neighbor knocked her to the ground, punched her over 125 times, kicked her 7 times and spat on her while yelling derogatory Asian expletives. The unnamed victim suffered “sustained broken bones in her face, bleeding on the brain and numerous cuts and bruises on her head and face,” according to officials. This was captured on surveillance camera.

Four Asian Women in Manhattan, NY

On June 11, 2022, four Asian women were pepper-sprayed in the face by a female assailant while she yelled xenophobic comments on the street because they stood near where she was sitting. The assailant has been indicted on eight counts of assault in the third degree as a hate crime and four counts of aggravated harassment in the second degree.

Anders Fung in San Francisco, CA

On June 12, 2022, Chinese-American Anders Fung was hiking in San Francisco with his family when a large chunk of concrete was dropped from a bridge above and hit Anders in the head, — leaving him with a cervical disc herniation to his neck and a 2-inch gash to his skull.

Loi Nguyen in Philadelphia, PA

On June 21, 2022 at around 5 a.m., Vietnamese-American Loi Nguyen, 77, was shot in the head while going out for his morning walk in Philadelphia. Loi was a beloved community member known for exercising before sunrise.

You can take action

Because systemic racially-charged violence is prevalent against all people of color, particularly against the Black community, it is terribly important to be informed and practice being an ally. If you spend most of your time “flocking,” meaning you socialize with folks that look like and think like you do, there’s an opportunity. Spending time with people that do not look, think, socialize like you do is one of the best ways you can do to broaden your world and educate yourself. Becoming an ally is a long, arduous task and doing a little bit everyday is the only way to progress. 

Why I Created Altar|Alter

  • Asian exoticism

  • Hyper-sexualization and assault of Asian women by (mostly) white men before, during and after wartimes throughout history

  • Colonization

  • Violence

  • That madman 45 exacerbating hateful rhetoric and acts against people that look like me on an international platform

  • My embattled sense of identity with being ethnically Chinese while wanting to claim Taiwanese and Malaysian, where my mother and father are from, respectively,  as my identity instead

  • My embattled sense of guilt for denouncing a country where my ancestors bore their dreams and heartbreaks because of historical and onging political and social practices

  • My urge to scream when people ask me what nationality I am when I know they won’t be happy with “American” and they don’t even know what they are asking

  • My fear that I along with my Asian-appearing son are targets for violence

  • That this will happen to someone I love

  • That this madness will not end